There have been a few weeks of silence over here on my Substack. What better day to return than Easter Sunday for the reason of my absence has been the downfall and miraculous resurrection yet final demise of my mother. She has ceased to be.
The 22nd of March she had a giant cardiac arrest, I was the only one inside the house with her, my dad was outside gardening. I about knocked through the window to call him inside, making sure dad knew Trouble had arrived and he rushed inside. I called an ambulance. “Do you know CPR. Does your dad know CPR“. I was embarrassed to realize my only experience with CPR was watching it on shows like House on TV. I had a hint of a feeling that that wouldn’t count. My “no’' was met with an “I’m going to talk you through it. Put her on the floor“. And so we did. The woman on the phone was an absolute pro at telling me what to do.
I also thought about the Bee Gees. I had heard that if you push in that rhythm of Staying Alive, you’re on the right track. Later I would hear from friends that actually Another One Bites The Dust is a better fit but that idea struggles with bad PR.
People from all over my parents village, and who had actually done their CPR course came streaming through the open door. It was like a Fellini film, the weather was gorgeous, some people were wearing party attire, there was a neighbor from across the street, and a girl wearing her hotel staff outfit, about 15 people showed up. They took over from me and my dad, the paramedics arrived and took it from there. It took half an hour to get her in a condition to be able to go to the hospital. We followed. That didn’t feel good. Half an hour.
I’ll spare you all the other details for now, cause it was hell to go through, let alone to read about the medical drama of a mom who isn’t even yours in most cases, but a way too long and too fresh a story told short, let’s just summarize: she was in an induced coma for a week, her 80th birthday passed, they managed to get her out of the coma, the brain EEG was good, she was able to speak and understand. Days passed.
Big twist: Cardiologist meeting; her heart was beyond repair, could not function on its own, not now, not ever, and according to the cardiologist who had the awful task of informing us, the most positive option was a hospice, weren’t it for the fact she was too weak to be transported. This was followed by sitting at her bedside day and night until she passed away on the 9th of April. It was an ordeal. So know you know the reason of my absence.
The cremation is behind us. I’m back in Amsterdam. Today I opened my sketchbook again and got to sketching, hence the result and the video above:
It’s my mom from long ago, having a fun time, in her bathing suit no less. LAUGHING. She didn’t like to be photographed, so it’s a rarity to have her pose like this, having such a good time. It was one of my favorite pictures of the ones we showed during the service. A little capsule in time.
As you can tell I did that thing again of starting too close to the edge of the paper. But I don’t care too much. I love the mood.
XOXO
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